My name is Eric Jeffries. I was born in the little town of Springfield Missouri, to a Bonnie Elaine Moore and fathered by Harvey Jeffries. I come from a single parent home where my mother, Bonnie Moore, raised me and my other siblings. I had three sisters and two brothers. There was no father present in my early child hood, so I am a byproduct of a fatherless home that helped to create the type of person I would end up being. My experiences over the years looking back were dictated quite a bit by the lack of my father. My friends that I hung out with all had fathers, so special events in which a dad would normally be there present with his son – I did not have that. My influence came from looking and watching others. At the same time it created within me a desire to be something different – a type of father that would be there for his kids.
I entered into fatherhood at an early age. I had my first child when I was 17 years old. As you can see, I was in the process of recreating a fatherless household in that I was not married when I had my first child. The influence of me not having a dad at home was recreating in me the same thing that I wished to escape, and that’s to end up leaving a child without a father. My thirst and my desire to be a good dad did create the environment in which I found myself struggling and fighting for parental conservativship of my first born child.
My first born child was a daughter who I gained custody of when she was four years old. Once I gained custody I began to embark upon trying to be a good dad. This was also a time in which I was chasing my own personal goals and my own personal dreams. I was an athlete, and coming out of high school I got a special opportunity to get a scholarship to play football with the University of Texas. Accepting the scholarship would make it pretty difficult to maintain a family and to be able to take care of a child.
I decided that I would not be much good to this child if I did not have an opportunity or did not provide an education for myself – I knew that I could better myself. I had to make some sacrifices – would it be academics, would it be athletics, or would it be parenthood? All those things, as you would imagine, were very important. One without the other didn’t make sense. I found myself struggling; struggling to fit in with my teammates and struggling to fit in with my classmates. They did not have the task of trying to be a father during their college days. One was supposed to have the happiest times of their life in college and yet I had a child. There were times in which I remember my daughter having to go to class with me, and having a professor look at me like – why do you have this child in class? I was on a scholarship but didn’t really have money and didn’t come from a family with money. I was just getting by. As I search memory now trying to figure out how I did it, I really don’t have an answer for it. I can only say that I did it by the grace of God, and also by the support of a young lady who was there for me, and helped to support me during that time. I ultimately ended up marrying this young lady – my wife Cheryl. She was very involved and was a very crucial piece in me being able to be the type of father that I wanted to be.
As you view a picture of my daughter and see her picture with me, there was much sacrifice involved with that relationship. I learned from my own personal lack of relationship with my father, the importance of trying to be there. I learned the importance of trying to give time to a kid that just needed to have this male figure around. I knew that a kid was going to have a longing for this male figure. I have always heard the statistics and people talking about the black man not being there for his child. I was always disturbed by that because I never ever in my mind could see myself not being there for a child. I was looking to break the cycle of having a kid come up without a dad.
Now, there’s a lot that has happened between now and then, there is a lot of space and time, but the one thing that stays consistent with me is the fact that I realized the importance of being a dad through this early relationship with my first born child. I am now the father of many – some biological and others of those of which I choose to try to have some influence on their life. I figure now, that there was a purpose, and there was a reason I didn’t have a father in my household. There was a reason why I didn’t have person I could call “dad.” It has helped to shape and make me who I am today. It has helped to put me in a place where I can impact young people in the sense because I know what’s it’s like not to have that father figure. I know the struggles that are involved with not having a dad. I can relate and not only can I relate, I can also offer solutions. I now understand what it means to try to break the historical cycles that our families and our African American community relationships have, or lack thereof relationships that we have with our fathers. I can speak to that. I can speak to it because I have been a part of it; I have been on both sides actually.
I had another daughter shortly after my first. This was a daughter I was not a father to on a daily basis because again, I was not married. She was raised in a different household so I had to find a different way to have involvement with her. She did not live with me on a daily basis. I understand the challenges from a kid’s perspective and I understand the challenges from a father’s perspective. When a father has a desire to be there for a kid, it’s a tough balance. With God there is a way to prevail. There is a way to nurture a child and give them the love and the attention they deserve and need from the male figure. If you can see the eyes of my child in the photos of myself and my child, you will see that she is all the better for my presence. I thank God for the opportunity to be a dad. I thank God for the chance to continue to work to try and get it right.
By no means am I perfect – I have made many a mistake. I have been a part of this cycle. I am trying to train my son so that he will not create the cycles that I have created in having children out of wedlock. It is a task that I hope to be successful at. I have many years to find out the answer to that. I will continually try to work to make a difference with children to help them to know that there is a different way to do it. I personally have found that God is my way. I am now relying on God to give me answers to help me make better decisions and to make better choices. I am praying that happens. I don’t know that it will but I am praying for and keep searching for his voice – because he speaks to me. He speaks to me so that I may have the opportunity to talk to others that they won’t make some of the mistakes that I made. For the pain that it causes…an everlasting pain that it causes for a young person is beyond what’s necessary. There is no need for it. We just have to find a way to ask God to give us answers that we make better choices and that we make better decisions, and that we involve ourselves in relationships that will be healthy, and relationships that when we bear children that we would be there to take care of them. If you learn anything from me it’s just the spirit of keep moving forward to be the best that you can be. Know that you have influence on others. You have the unique opportunity as a dad to affect someone else’s life, and we have to take that seriously.
Thank You