LEAP YEAR
Leap year is back, and it reminds me of 2012 when I took my first big leap in life. I recognized I was in the wrong life and I LEAPED! To be honest I even shocked myself by saying it out loud, but I knew this was my truth. My life took over my soul and my soul stepped aside for life. One day my soul was tired of sitting back and watching life go by, so my soul spoke up and took charge…no more second fiddle to life! My soul has always been the root of everything I am and plays an important part in how I express and share my gifts.
Four years ago I put myself in an emotional crossroad. I thought about the path I was on and if I were to die today what would my tombstone say. It came to me that my tombstone would say, “She was a good _____.” While being a good ____ was quite an honorable thing I also recognized that I was not meant to be on this earth to do that. I was given a gift and with that gift I was to do more. I felt fortunate that God gave me a gift because I would know what to do with it. I thought about it, and decided I would prefer my tombstone to say, “She made a difference in the world.” In my current life the two could not walk hand in hand.
When I analyzed and weighed why I could not change the saying on my tombstone in the world I was in, I decided I would take my new journey alone on my quest to “make a difference in the world.” My difference would be of course, with me dedicating my time to finding, seeking and sharing the souls of my culture. Through my art I capture the spirit of the African American community by magnifying the positive images of our culture through art. In one leap I jumped off a cliff to land into my new life, in my new world, on my way to my new journey. My soul was no longer going to be the shadow of my life, but instead it was going to be in the front, radiating all of its vibrancy. Yes - my soul is vibrant!
In 2012, as I tried to decide how my leap year birthday was to be spent, I started to weigh the things I was discovering about myself. I am a nurturer and a giver. I give so much sometimes that I can even take too much from myself to give to others. While I may have always known this, it didn’t ring true to me until a dear friend said it out loud. What was even more bizarre is I tried to deny it and even became offended by the proclamation. I feared saying it out loud to the universe would make me vulnerable to the advantages that could be taken of me by the world. After 24 hrs of internal debate I finally accepted that I was a giver, and yes I think it is better to give than receive. Although it is not completely necessary it is nice and OK to receive, and finally in 2012 I decided I would do just that – receive.
Leap year 2012 I decided that I needed to visit someone or go to a place that would represent my new journey, and my leap year birthday. I thought about places and people that were muses to me, and that’s when I remembered my friend Kloud. She was always an inspiring free spirit, who enjoyed life to the fullest. I contacted her, and my interest in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico as a monumental birthday destination was sparked. I booked my flights on the spot!
I went to San Miguel de Allende with one intention – to celebrate my birthday in a rejuvenating fashion, and to have a margarita toast at 12PM in honor of my New Year. What I left with from San Miguel was the biggest heartfelt hug from the city, and a soul that was fed. I had taken such a huge leap with my new life change that, I did not even realize what parts of my life could actually be vacant. San Miguel gently showed me that while my old life overshadowed my soul, it still had parts that were good that I needed to hold in a bittersweet goodbye embrace. I could not take these things with me on my new journey.
I learned in my old life to love animals and I discovered I had a green thumb out of this world. My new life is in a loft with no yard or balcony and gardening is not part of this world. In the leap I took, I no longer had the dog I loved and nursed for 12 years. Lastly my new world did not consist of daily love and physical affection – something that I never took for granted but always received everyday for 13 years in my old life. While I leaped off a cliff with a brave face and stood tall and proud in my new life and my new journey, I still had voids that needed a little fulfilling.
I purposely created my new life to almost serve as a sabbatical for me and my old life. I moved purposely to a town in which I do not have many acquaintances. All of this taught me - the world’s biggest extrovert to become inward. I needed to focus on who I am and the difference I needed to make with my life with no distractions. The first 3 ½ months my life was marked by phases of restoration. March 1st – 31st 2012, I spent mourning and saying goodbye to all the good things in the old life I had, and there were many. April through May 2012, I spent acclimating and creating new patterns in my life. With all that said, 2012 June would be about watering the soul I newly found that was lost in my life. I went to San Miguel with hopes of kick- starting the new birth year in that direction.
I arrived in San Miguel greeted with much warmth. My friend Kloud embraced me as I arrived, and I immediately felt love from her. When I entered the gates of her home I was greeted by 3 dogs 2 cats and 3 two day old kittens. In her courtyard amongst the animals was also a lovely garden. All of these noticeable items were temporary charges to my battery. These things allowed me for a few days, to experience some of the good from my old life that I left behind – animals, garden and physical affection. While I may not need these all the time, I certainly needed these now.
That evening she hosted a happy hour for me at her house. When her friends arrived, they all greeted me with a hug and a kiss that was genuine. Kloud made it clear to me that in San Miguel everyone is greeted this way. With her friends I spent hours visiting and conversing about life, philosophy and all the talk my heart could desire. Art appreciation seemed to be in everyone’s DNA who attended. I was awestruck by the many stories that the women shared, and how they viewed their life in San Miguel. One woman in particular was going to travel to Eastern Europe, wear a chicken suit and hand out cards to people that said “Don’t be a chicken, follow your dreams.” These women were my kind of people!
On the actual day of my birth, June 8th I was joined by some of Kloud’s friends who felt it was important to toast my new year with me. The day was filled with acknowledgement and many well wishes for my birthday. To top things off, there were fireworks in the evening (purely coincidental)! Yes, it truly felt like the town was celebrating my birthday. It was decided that evening that my birthday would be extended to a birth week celebration.
Although San Miguel was my choice to spend this particular birthday, there was a close race between Chicago and San Miguel. While I was not able to spend my birthday with my dear friend in Chicago, San Miguel afforded me the additional opportunity to spend time with her through her relations. This made me feel close to her as my consolation. As it turned out, her mother lived in San Miguel. I met her mother while there, and visited her art studio. I loved this moment for many reasons. My friend and I had a very common connection. We both lived the lives and took the roads our mothers did not. Our mothers as a result were able to see the alternate road their lives could have taken. We both represented the roads our mothers did not take. The unique thing with my friend’s mother, is that her mother was finally able to jump on the road she was not able to take earlier in life. She is now on that road and living her dream in San Miguel – what a magical thing. She really reminded me that you truly are the author to your book of life, and you can change your happy ending at any time.
Evenings that birthday week in San Miguel were spent with artists, business people and new friends I met. Every morning at Kloud’s home that week, I watered her garden. The symbolism alone of recreating a pattern that was familiar to me from my old life would tear me up at times. I fed dogs, cats and became the giver and recipient of much unconditional animal love. My afternoons were filled with good food, good shopping, art viewing and many hugs and kisses all day long. On my last day in San Miguel I watered the garden one last time. I spent time with the dogs and bid them farewell, wore my last flower in my hair and was off to coffee with another group of artists trying to make a difference in the world. We shared a mutual artists’ love as we bid farewell. That morning I had my last meal of nopales and eggs and realized I was content and my new year was off to a great start. Not only was my stomach full that afternoon from brunch, but my soul was fed as well.
I took care of myself on leap year after my personal leap by planning a last minute birthday trip to San Miguel de Allende for myself. My gift I received that year was the most wonderful birthday gift I could have ever given myself – I fed my soul. As I smiled when I left San Miguel, I thought about a phrase by Henry David Thoreau “Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.” Leap year 2012 put me on the path to just doing that…living my truest life.
